It has been a month since my last post. So much has been going on the past few weeks, I barely have had time for myself. As you know, I am currently juggling on a daily basis, three major responsibilities: taking care of my baby, full-time work and also full-time studies (Master’s degree). The three are already overworking me both physically and mentally.
When shared with others of my situation, I’ve been told many things. That “it doesn’t seem all that bad”. Or “I’m sure you can do it”. Or “it’ll pass”. Everyone would say something along that line. Sometimes, I’m not sure what to think of it. Are they just trying to be politically correct? Other times, I understand why they said it; simple, they just don’t understand. Rather, most of them don’t bother to try to understand. And these are people I think of as my friends and family. I find this reality really sad.
I’d rather have people tell me honestly, “I can’t imagine how tough it is for you but you can talk to me”. Or from someone who’s not close to me, “I’m sure it’s tough. Let us both keep pressing on”. What I need is not pretty words or politically correct answers. What I need is support, people who show their concern and to know that I’m not alone. I don’t think it’s that difficult in this day and age. It could be as simple as checking in on me once in a while, “how are you holding up?”. Or planning something simple, “let’s meet up this Saturday or any other day if you’re free”. Even if the plan fails, the effort goes a long way.
I lack such people in my life.
So, in hopes more could understand my situation better, this is how an average week of mine is broken down. We have 168 hours in a week. I spend an average of 48 hours at work, 12 hours in school, 12 hours (or more) on assignments (about 4 submissions weekly), 4 hours of travelling, 12 hours (or more) visiting my parents and in-laws, about 7 hours of eating (assuming my total time taken to eat a day is 1 hour) and 56 hours sleeping. That leaves me with 17 hours. Sounds like much time, right? Sure it does, THEORETICALLY. In practice, I still need to shower, I need time to change clothes, pack my bags, play with my kid, spend time with my wife, sit and do nothing and rest. Even then, I still make time to socialise; meet with friends, attend gatherings, etc. All at the expense of my limited time.
All these have caused stress to accumulate in me. Stress that I have no time and energy to deal with and manage. And one day in the past month, stress got the best of me. I contemplated giving up on my Master’s as my classmate very recently did. Thankfully, I managed to purge some of that stress away. At this time, I’m reminded of the lyrics:
“Even the best fall down sometimes”
This post could easily be seen as a complaint post. My intention is not to complain or to show off my busy and hectic schedule. My intention is to try to reach out to those in my life, to please try to understand my constraints. I will make time for you, and when I do, please do not add on to my already overflowing burden and stress. Acknowledge my presence, play games with me, talk cock with me, laugh with me, smile with me. Don’t worry about my issues, that’s for me to worry unless I’ve gone to you specifically about it.
To my friends
If you’ve read this and have my number, drop me a call or text. It would at least let me know that I’ve still got friends out there looking out for me.
Thank you for reading. Writing this allowed me to release some steam. Now, back to my assignments.